i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
