you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
