don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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