using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
its not stalking. its research.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
