You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
