She is in my trunk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
