Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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