I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
