he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
