Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
