I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
