I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
