Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
