sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
