My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
