So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
