then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
