We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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