things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't deserve a penis
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
