Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
