It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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