I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
