the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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