My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
