Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
whose parrot is this?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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