According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
