So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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