another moral hangover. fuck.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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