Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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