my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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