it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
