What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
