FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
