i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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