Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
