end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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