nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
