I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
