i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
