We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Randomize
