You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We had sex on a dog bed..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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