why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
