i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
