But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
