I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
