Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
