so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
