Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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