I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
