Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
