Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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